He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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