Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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