Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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