they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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