you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
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its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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