woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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