I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
