Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.