i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
