what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this will be a night to untag.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
