Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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