He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
