My first STD was from a foam party
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
