70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize