Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
