is your mom at the bar?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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