I hope mine doesn't look like that
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
