sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
