I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
