So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
