she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
