Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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