I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
