I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
