now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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