There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
