As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
