Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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