So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
