areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
