I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
