I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
