I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
