I cockslap morals
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
