They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
