this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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