i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and she was petting her beer can
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
