I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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