i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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