at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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