just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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