i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
