fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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