Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
