i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
