I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
