either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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