i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
