Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
