I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
