Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
