I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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