i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
