Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Drake has all the answers
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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