im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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