And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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