The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
