is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
