Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
