Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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