Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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