Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
