and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
