so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
