We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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