Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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