Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
