We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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