Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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