You can't special order awesome
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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