How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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