I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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